Becoming a Tantric Practitioner: What No One Told Us Gay Men

Being a man and practicing Tantra is already a courageous act. Doing so as a gay or bisexual man—or simply as a man who is attracted to other men—is something more: it is an act of radical liberation.

"I knew I had to keep practicing tantra, or I would lose something very essential about myself."—Álvaro Ros Tor, tantric therapist.

There’s a question many men ask themselves silently when they discover Tantra: Is there a place for me here?

For gay or bisexual men—or those who simply have sex with other men—that question carries extra weight. We’ve already gone through the process of asserting who we are to the world. We’ve already negotiated internally how much we reveal, when, and with whom we can be completely ourselves. And now, on top of that, should we tell the world that we also practice Tantra?

Álvaro Ros Tor, a Tantra student and certified Tantric massage therapist, asked himself exactly that question. His answer—and the journey he took to arrive at it—is what we’ll explore today.

The dilemma that few dare to mention.

When Álvaro completed his training as a tantric massage therapist, he knew he needed to put what he had learned into practice, both in his personal and professional life. But he found himself at a crossroads: was it wise or not to publicly associate his practice with Tantra?

The environment wasn’t exactly welcoming. Prejudices about Tantra abound everywhere, and for men, that barrier is especially high. Tantra is easily misinterpreted as something sexual in the most superficial sense of the term, and a man who practices it and speaks about it publicly may face stares, judgments, or simply the awkward, misunderstood silence of those who don’t know how to react.

Does this sound familiar? For those of us who have gone through the process of coming out—in any of its forms—that feeling of calculating just how much to reveal is nothing new. It is, in fact, one of the most painful and powerful lessons many of us have had to learn.

"After much reflection, the answer became a resounding yes. I had to continue calling my work and practice 'tantric,' or I would lose something very essential. Staying true to myself deepened my massage practice exponentially."— Álvaro Ros Tor

That decision—to live with integrity even if the world doesn’t fully understand it—is not just a matter of honesty. According to Álvaro, it is the foundation of any genuine tantric practice. And it turns out that it is also one of the things that resonates most deeply with those of us who have already practiced, in another context, the art of being authentic.

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Five reasons to embrace Tantra, even if the world doesn't understand it yet.

These are the five reasons Janne identified in his own journey. Each one resonates deeply with gay men and MSM who have navigated the path of building their own identity in a world that hasn’t always been understanding.

01

Authenticity

Transparency and authenticity are the foundation of any trusting relationship, whether with clients, partners, or yourself. Álvaro realized that if he chose a different name for his practice, or framed it in softer terms so as not to offend anyone, he would be denying essential parts of himself. He also noticed something surprising: by being open about the original roots of his practice, the people around him became more supportive, even when they didn’t fully understand it. Being true to himself, Álvaro says, deepened his practice exponentially. And Tantra began to integrate into his daily life in ways he never anticipated.

02

Transparency

Figuring out who he wanted to be—both in his personal and professional life—allowed Álvaro to gain a clear understanding of his intentions, abilities, and limitations. This transparency not only opened up a channel of universal and spiritual support for his practice but also built bridges of genuine trust with clients and couples. When you know who you are and say it plainly, others can truly connect with you. For gay men, this isn’t an abstract concept: it’s something many of us have experienced the first time we said out loud who we are.

03

Vulnerability

This is perhaps the most revealing aspect of Álvaro’s entire experience: opening up about Tantra publicly felt, in his own words, “almost like coming out of the closet.” “Hi, I’m Álvaro, and I like Tantra.” The sense of vulnerability that came with that process connected him more deeply to his core and his true nature. He was willing to reveal that deeper layer of himself because he knew it was what truly mattered and that, deep down, he was invulnerable. Exposing those most intimate layers also created deeper connections with the people closest to him.

04

Masculinity

In Tantra, there is much talk of the creative energy that arises when the polarities of Shiva and Shakti come together. Álvaro observed how the women around him were growing in strength and femininity, and he wondered: should he simply let the women “take the lead”? Some even say that only women should teach Tantra. But he came to a different conclusion: tantric masculinity is necessary to maintain balance and harmony. And it is necessary as a voice of clarity amid the current misunderstandings about what masculinity truly represents. For gay men, who have so often been pushed to redefine our relationship with masculinity, this is very familiar and very fertile ground.

05

Beauty

Instead of hiding behind the mistakes made in the name of "Tantra"—and there are many—Álvaro chose to continue showcasing its beauty. Especially in a world where there is so much misunderstanding, becoming apologetic or defensive doesn't help. What he sought was to present a constructive and inspiring approach: to share the fruits and beauty of what he has learned and continues to discover on this extraordinary spiritual path.

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A mirror that reflects you back to yourself.

What Álvaro describes at the end of his journey is something you might recognize from your own experience: the process of fully opening up to a new identity—in this case, that of a tantric practitioner and healer—served as a mirror. A mirror that reflected his passion and honesty, deepening and strengthening both his massage practice and his spiritual path.

And what surprised him most: that process helped him feel more welcome in love, in life, and in his work. Not because the world suddenly accepted him unreservedly, but because he had welcomed himself.

For gay men and MSM, that should resonate deeply. Because at some point in our lives, most of us have had to welcome ourselves before the world did. We’ve had to say: “I am this, and it is sacred, and I don’t need anyone’s permission to inhabit it.”

Tantra asks exactly the same of you. Not that you explain yourself. Not that you justify yourself. Just that you show up, fully, with all your history and all your energy, and trust that this act of full presence holds a transformative power that no technique can match.

"This journey of fully embracing my new identity as a tantric practitioner and healer has served as a mirror reflecting a passion and honesty that have greatly enhanced my practice. I wholeheartedly believe this was possible because I welcomed myself into this role and onto this path."—Álvaro Ros Tor.

Where should I start?

If anything you’ve read here has touched you deeply, the natural question is: What now?

The first step isn’t to sign up for a retreat or seek out a teacher. The first step is internal, and you can take it today: ask yourself what part of yourself you’ve been sugarcoating so as not to make anyone uncomfortable. What aspect of your sexuality, your spirituality, or your desire to grow have you been keeping hidden as something “too much”?

That’s usually where the real tantric journey begins. Not in the techniques, but in the decision to be whole.

If you decide to continue, seek out serious training, read books, and, if it’s relevant to you, also look for spaces and facilitators who work with genuine openness toward the experiences of gay men and MSM. There are more and more of them. And increasingly, this space—which for so long seemed to exclude us entirely—is recognizing that our experience has a legitimate and powerful place within the tradition.

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Your practice begins with a decision

It’s not about mastering a technique. It’s about welcoming yourself, fully, just as you are. That is Tantra.

Do you have any questions or want to share your experience? The comments section is an open, non-judgmental space.